109 - braves love

i could blog about the fact that the braves have won all 8 games i've watched this season. i could write about how i thought that streak was coming to an end last night, when the braves were down 3-0 in the bottom of the ninth inning with 2 outs. i could post pictures from the braves' improbable comeback victory.

yes, my loves, i could do all of those things...but i won't.

instead, i'm going to take this moment to introduce you to one of my favorite blogs, which is written by another female braves fan - albeit, one who's way more dedicated than i am, at least from an e-media perspective. lauren did a great job summarizing last night's game with pictures and videos on her blog, and i adore it.

thanks for showing that girls can be great sports fans, too!

oh, and a note to my foreign next door neighbors:
please don't tell me you were banging on your walls last night to tell me to quiet down, when i was jumping around and yelling when the braves won. i KNOW you cannot hear anything through our walls at this apartment complex. you want an example? walking up the stairs every day, i am regaled with the pounding bass and latin music coming from your apartment. when i walk in to my apartment and close the door, i hear nothing. so i'm choosing to believe you were hanging pictures or otherwise using a hammer late last night, and that you were not telling me to shut up.
xoxo,
your always-quiet neighbor, cal

108 - well, hi strangers

sooo, i just noticed that i've only blogged once so far in april, and i view that as a serious problem. that's once in 16 days, and i'm sorry that i'm not holding up my end of the reader/blogger relationship. here's a quick rundown of things that are on my mind today...

-note to drivers: when the weather is gorgeous outside, if your car has a sunroof, YOU USE IT! i'm specifically talking to you, cb. i know you made me close your sunroof because you couldn't hear what i was saying, but trust me, it probably wasn't that important - and it surely wasn't important enough for us to miss out on some vitamin d pouring in through that beautiful sunroof. the sunroof is the one and only thing i miss about my piece of crap jet-ta (jetta - i just prefer to pronounce both syllables) that i got rid of two years ago. okay, that and seat warmers in the winter...but mainly just the sunroof.

-note to mother nature: if you have to pick one day a week for it to be rainy, please don't pick a weekend day/night. that should be a punishment for bad karma, and what did columbus, ohio ever do to you?

-note to my fellow social media-ites: i now have a twitter. i don't know if i like it or not, and i definitely know i'm not very good at it. occasionally i think my tweets are entertaining, but in general, i'm not too impressed with it. anyone want to give an over/under on the number of days my twitter account stays active? i'm going with less than 90 days.

-note to aj-dub: thanks for giving me permission to start brainstorming ideas for your bachelorette party. i firmly believe this may be my forte as a bridesmaid, and i literally cannot wait!

-reason #863 that i am old: i sincerely dislike going out on friday nights. by the time 2:00 a.m. rolls around and my friends feel like leaving a bar, i have been awake for 20 hours. no part of that sounds appealing to me. saturday nights work much better for me, and i have been in l-o-v-e with hungover sundays since my first year out of college. during that year most of my saturday nights were spent over-imbibing with scal, after which i would inevitably crash on her couch. once she woke up on sunday (because yes, i always woke up first - i never said her couches were the most comfortable), we would lay around watching pointless television and re-living the previous night's adventures over and over. i still didn't like friday night outings even when i was 23...i guess i shouldn't expect that to change 3 years later, right? but tonight, i'm putting on my smiling, "look who's a good little trooper!" face, coupled with a bright yellow tanktop, to hit the town for my friend's last weekend in cbus. this will be followed by another friend's bachelorette party tomorrow night, so hungover sunday will probably be a major event this weekend.

-and finally, check out my horoscope from this week - it is the definition of "be here now"!:
"don't dwell on all the wonderful things you could do if your life were absolutely perfect. don't fantasize about how having more money, a greater love life, and a more successful career could change everything. instead, think about how wonderful you can make your life as it stands now. you have so much going for you, but you may not realize just how blessed you are. take stock of the good things in your life, and savor them. you only own the now. embrace it. when you do, the future will grow brighter too."

i love it! have a wonderful weekend!

80 - reese witherspoon kicked me in the ass

"Someone told me recently to live in the present but make plans and take pictures. And I am...I used to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, as if I could magically predict it if I planned enough. And then I realized, I can't." -Reese Witherspoon

i can't lie to you people. i kind of have a teeny tiny girl-crush on reese witherspoon. or maybe it's just that i'd love to be a gorgeous oscar-winning actress who's widely respected, and who also happens to be dating jake gyllenhaal. yeah, it's that, too. regardless, i read this little article on reese today and parts of it just kind of hit home with me.

as anyone who knows me will gladly tell you, i over-analyze just about everything in my life and worry in excess. i'm also a logical person, however, and i'm usually able to stop myself before it gets to the stressed out stage. and then again, i also have those times (like recently) when i just get into a funk and need to be (figuratively or literally) kicked in the ass. this happened to me over the summer, and the kick in the ass i needed came when i was reading eat pray love (by the way, why haven't you bought that book yet? i told you to do it wayyyy back in july).

on my drive home from nashville, i realized i haven't been feeling much like myself lately, and i couldn't figure out why. after reading that quote today, i realized it's because i've been focusing so much on what the future might hold, and that's scary. i may need to print out the quote i used when i started and named this blog and read it daily. so, on that note...

dear reese,

thank you for reminding me that no matter how much i freak out about the future, it's not going to change anything. thanks for the suggestion that i should be happy and content with the good things in my life right now, because when i'm 40, i won't be able to come back and have the life i have at age 26...and i'll definitely want to remember my 20s in the best possible way.

your friend,
cal

p.s. if you want to let me borrow jake gyllenhaal (and maybe a fancy dress or two) for any weddings or formal occasions in the future, i'm totally open to that possibility. i'm just sayin'...

76 - i think he has failed at life (but buckeyes win again!)

first of all...

ohio state 30, illinois 0

second straight shutout - great game, and a nice way to open the big 10 season!

and since i'm blogging on a weekend (what is the world coming to?!), i hope you realize that means i need to share something with you readers asap before i forget.

last night, after the ohio state victory, i met up with jo and a couple of male friends down in gview. we were getting ready to head out when one of the boys said, "oh wait, this guy from my gym is meeting us here. he should be here any minute, then we can go to the bar." so, we didn't think anything of it - whatevs, we're friendly, inclusive people. bring on the stranger.

when the gym guy gets to jo's house, he is already drunk. don't ask me how or why he drove, because i can't answer that question. people do dumb things all the time. anyway, a few people went into the kitchen to take shots of tequila (no, i did not partake - unlike aj-dub, i do not drink straight tequila voluntarily), so i followed them in and we had this conversation. it centered around the gym guy's (let's call him GG) lanyard.

us: oh, is that lanyard from your college?

GG: uh, yeah.

us: sweet, where is that school located?

GG: um, it's in pennsylvania. i only went there for a year, then i fucked up my life, so i dropped out and had to start working.

us: oh, really?

GG: yeah. see, my mom's psycho. like, she's schizophrenic. my dad's disabled, so you know, he wasn't really around. and my brother's kind of like denzel washington's character from...what is that movie?

us: john q? man on fire? remember the titans? american gangster?

GG: yeah! american gangster! like, he's a dealer and goes to all the convenience stores around our town and sells drugs and stuff. so he taught me all that stuff and that's what i did.

us: uh...you're a drug dealer?

GG: no no no! not anymore! i was back home.

us: ohhh...(we were not reassured here, fyi)

GG (talking to our mutual friend): yeah, i'm not sure if i told you this, man...but i used to be a drug addict.

our mutual friend: uh, no, i don't think you did.

GG: yeah, i did everything...meth, coke, heroin, shrooms. i did acid, like, 4 times in one day.

us: (stare silently)

GG: but i'm clean now! i haven't done a drug or had a drink since august! well, before tonight, but i'm just drinking.

us: okay...

GG: yeah, i realized i needed to do something with my life, so i quit all that and got a real job and moved out here.

our mutual friend: wait, you were married??

us: no, he said his LIFE, not his WIFE.

GG: oh hell no, i was never married. that shit's crazy.

dear GG:

OKAY, so you are a college dropout with a meth/coke/heroin addiction and a schizo mom, disabled dad, and drug lord brother...and you think being married is CRAZY? please reevaluate.

but hey, thanks for not killing us or sticking us with random needles,

cal

(p.s. happy 27th to my favorite tennessean, RT! let's all hope that he wins lots of money in vegas this weekend, so he can buy a plane and visit ohio more frequently.)

68 - airing of grievances

before i get to today's blog, i would first like to marvel at how things circulate so damn quickly on the internet. i mean, look how fast fmylife and textsfromlastnight became mainstream. the most recent example of this is a little list called thoughts from people our age, and it literally had me dying laughing in my little cube at work on monday. here are a few of my favorites:

- I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
- I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
- I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

if you haven't already seen the rest of the list, you can find it on HF's blog here. you can thank us later.

today's blog is a compilation of open letters, also known as a list of random thoughts i've had today:

dear drivers in the left lane of the freeway:

as we all learned in driver's ed, the left lane is the passing lane - therefore, the left lane is the FAST LANE. if you don't want to drive above 65 mph, i suggest you merge to a different lane. you have multiple choices, but as i believe the left lane is for 75+, the middle lane is for 65-70, and the right lane is for under 65, you can figure out where i think you belong. and if you drive a smart car, please realize it may never go above 50 mph steadily, so choose alternate routes to ensure you don't need to go on the freeway. because there are few things more annoying or dangerous than being behind a smart car on an entrance ramp. i've almost gotten flattened by a semi more than once because i entered the freeway going approximately 39 mph, thanks to the little golf-cart-sized motor in your "car".

zoom zoom,
cal

dear random girl at work who shall not be named:

a decision regarding your health is something that should remain personal. there is no need for you to go to your boss and all your co-workers and ask if you should get the swine flu vaccine. first of all, it's probably unnecessary, but thankfully, you didn't ask me. if your college is recommending that you get vaccinated and if it makes you feel better, go ahead and get it. you don't need to consult everyone in the world. you don't see me asking the fruititarian if i should get the HPV vaccine, do you? no, because A) that's personal; and B) in two weeks, i'll be too old to get it anyway. (why that thing no longer works after age 26, i have no clue - and i don't think that fact speaks to its effectiveness at all.)

healthfully yours (yeah right),
cal

dear IT guy who set up my new computer:

thank you for ensuring that my user ID and e-mail accounts did not switch over to my given name during a recent update. no one would have known me by this name, so your work prevented some serious confusion for the hiring managers here at c-health inc. also, thanks for giving me a brand new computer with a HUGE screen and much faster internet. the blog-readers thank you, too. however, it's not necessary for you to e-mail me 12 times a day and stop by my desk repeatedly to make sure my computer is working. god, you might catch me blogging or g-chatting, and that's probably an abuse of internet at work. i know you don't see many cute girls over there in IT, but i can't do much about that. i love the work you did, but that doesn't translate to me loving you. i'm sorry.

with (platonic) love,
cal

dear dr. murph:

i apologize in advance for eating a chocolate chip pizookie at bj's tonight, even thought it's clearly not in my diet. i will need to walk approximately 92 miles to work off all of those calories, but damn, it's soooooo worth it.

please don't hate me,
cal

62 - i don't think we're in college anymore

dear cal,

what do you think this is - college? if so, you're wrong. you've haven't been in college for over 3 years now, so one would think you'd be aware of this fact by now. i know, i know. you're thinking back to those days during your first year out of college when you and scal used to go out, like, practically all the time. well, you're not 22-23 anymore. you are twenty-freaking-five years old. i know it's sad, but you can't drink like you used to.

now, i'm not judging here. i think it's okay for you to have a drink or two at happy hour - even if they are super-sized, super-strong long islands at damo's. i think it's more than okay for you to go to a bar and drink two C+Vs during their $2.00 you-call-it power hour. cheap is good...i get it!! i even think it's your moral obligation as a female to accept free shots from the bartender, the bartender from the OTHER bar you usually go to (who just happened to show up), and the nice guy you made friends with who was sitting alone at the end of the bar.

but not in the same night. well, especially if that night happens to be a weekday and you have to get your ass to work in the morning. sleeping on scal's couch and getting up at 6:15 a.m. to drive home, shower, and get to work kind of/sort of/a little bit on time is not a good way to start a friday.

in retrospect, you probably should have just stuck with the drinks and refused shots. i know this breaks all the golden bar rules that you and your friends try to live by, but sometimes you've just gotta think of your own health and well-being. remember how mad you were when you realized you'd texted someone you're upset with last night, just because you found out where derek jeter used to live when he was a clipper? never mind, we won't go there. drunk texting/bbm'ing is for a different blog entirely. but please remember how badly you wanted to call in sick when you woke up and how you felt when you walked into your cube today. in case you've already forgotten (due to excessive g-chats with mini-me), this is not fun!

also, what were you thinking when you said you'd go to the columbus wine festival tonight?? you were hammered last night and tomorrow is the HF/SR wedding extravaganza...and you're aware you'll be less than 100% sober at that event, right? are you actively trying to kill your liver in the span of one week?! i know this will be a fun weekend, and it'll be good to get your mind off of a few things...but please try to get more than 5 hours of sleep tonight. that's all i'm asking.

love,
cal

p.s. you graduated in 4 years, so this poster? it's not for you.

61 - hey you!

just thought i'd provide a little mid-week inspiration...

happy hump day!

52 - wardrobe consultation

DEAR FASHION GURUS OF THE WORLD: HELP! I NEED YOU!

let's face it - my fashion sense is Boring with a capital B...and considering i never capitalize on my blog (unless it's all caps because i am VERY annoyed with something!), you know i mean business.

basically, i think it's smart to have lots of versatile pieces that you can wear with just about anything. i call this having a classic sense of style, but in reality, it's painfully mundane. my "classic style" = 12,000 v-neck sweaters (which you can totally wear with jeans or work clothes), about 25 short-sleeved wrap shirts for the summer, and countless camis in solid colors. occasionally i like to branch out, and normally this happens in the form of fun dresses to wear when it's hot outside.

i am intimidated by the excellent fashion sense that some of my friends have (yes, i'm looking at you hf, mk, and douchie). i know i've told all of you this before, but if i ever win the lottery, i'm putting one of you on my bankroll to be my personal shopper. i'm not even kidding.

but right now i need some advice - primarily because i haven't won the lottery yet and i need to make due with the clothing i currently own. please review the dress pictured below:

fashion question of the day: can i wear this to work?

i bought a dress similar to this (mine has a slightly different print and longer sleeves) and frequently wear it out. i call it my kimono dress and let's be serious - it definitely brings all the boys to the yard, as kelis (or douchie) would say.

let me be a little more specific for you. i'd wear this dress with one of my solid-colored camis underneath (to hide the cleavage that tends to pop out - thus why the dress itself solicits male attention). the dress comes down to about my knees, so it's an appropriate length for work, and i'd wear it with flats or maybe kitten heels, not stilettos.

i'm thinking about wearing this tomorrow, so pleeeease give me your advice! all opinions welcome.

p.s. for those of you who are curious, no, my paper cut has NOT healed! i do think it's improving, though, so hopefully i'll be back in blogging shape in no time. i do appreciate the thoughts and prayers that i'm sure you all sent to my poor middle finger. and for those of you who laughed at me then and are continuing to laugh at me now, my middle finger has a special message for you. (juuuust kidding...i love you anyway. and shit, i'd probably laugh at me, too.)