41 - grammar police

okay, look, people. i can't always be super-creative. sometimes i'm tired or hungover and completely void of humorous thoughts and opinions. however, thankfully i have friends who are way funnier than i am.

introducing...mini-me!

i call her mini-me because we are kind of frighteningly similar, except that's she's pint-sized and is 9 months younger than me. also, we don't look anything alike, which is unfortunate, because really? she's gorg! she also looks a lot like amanda seyfried, who played karen in mean girls and meryl streep's daughter in mamma mia.

mini-me likes asian food, texting/BBM, her blackberry in general, facebook, cooking/baking, speaking in spanish, taking an obscene amount of pictures, and procrastinating at work. see? minus the asian food and the fact that she lives in south carolina, we are basically twins. we also believe there is a special place in hell for people who use poor grammar. one day, mini-me wrote a facebook note about her grammar no-nos, and i loved it so much i decided to steal it and make her my first ever guest blogger. last night, i decided today should be the day i would grace my vast readership (of two people - hi hf and mk!) with her wit and hilarity because...today is mini-me's birthday! happy 25! here is your writing published for all the world (two people) to read.

"say one of these and i'll punch you" - mini-me

1. When people mix up then and than. Ex: I have more candy then you...If you won't do it than let me try. Ahhhhh!
2. "I'm fixin' to..." Seriously, what? Are you a mechanic? And on that note...
3. "I'm looking to..." No, you're not looking...
4. "Give it 110%!" WHAT? This isn't possible.
5. "To be honest..." Oh, gee, thanks for lying before.
6. "Take a listen..." Hmmm how exactly do you take that?
7. "Where are you at?" Ugh, vomit. I admit to having said this.
8. "Let's get up later!" GET UP? How about I shove a dictionary up your ass?
9. "Hit me up." Oh, believe me, say this and I will.
10. "ATM Machine" The M stands for machine. Thanks for clarifying!
11. "All the sudden" Come on, don't be lazy.
12. "Supposively" SPELL CHECK ALERT -- it's supposedly. (cal's note - "supposably" is also incorrect. thanks for trying, though.)
13. "On accident"
14. "We'll have to agree to disagree." Which one are we doing?!
15. "Would of/should of/could of..." omg, no, no no.
16. "24/7/365" What about about leap years?
17. Alterior/ulterior Ex: He had an ulterior motive for bringing her those flowers. Alterior is not a word, but thanks for trying to make one up.
18. Personal favorite: Mexican/Spanish....Just because you speak Spanish, doesn't mean you're Mexican. Also, please note that the language is Spanish, not Mexican. Do you think people in the United States speak American? NO!
19. "Same difference"...wait, what?
20. Espresso pronounced as expresso. Who gave you the right to put an X in there?
21. "I'm in the bed now." IN BED IS JUST FINE
22. "Let's meet on tomorrow."
23. THE WORST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE: you're vs. your. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE! (cal's note again - there/their/they're - second worst mistake in grammar history.)
24. Mash/press: You press buttons and you mash potatoes. Please don't mash any buttons. It will hurt. But, who am I to judge? I'm the girl that constantly says "I texted you last night!"
25. "I haven't seen you in forever." I JUST SAID THIS. PUNCH ME. :(

oh, mini-me, i could never punch you. no one is perfect, but i think we come pretty close most of the time. thanks for letting me share your list - and happy birthday!