40 - funnybone etiquette

personally, i like to think of myself as somewhat of a funnybone connoisseur. i find myself going to a show about once a month, because somehow my friends (phoof, jd, non-amish amish, cb) get free tickets and always want to include me in their groups. i think this is because i think everything in the world is hilarious and my eyes water like crazy when i laugh hard, so taking me to a comedy club is actually fun for the entire table. however, after having been to the funnybone so many times, i think there are certain rules that people should note prior to attending.

rules to ensure a good time at the funnybone:

pregaming is mandatory. either grab drinks at a friend's house, go to a local bar for a drink (or four), or just get to the funnybone early to imbibe before the show starts. any comedian is funnier if you've thrown a few back. note: i would personally recommend one of the first two options as drinks at the funnybone are a little pricy - but if you buy one of their special drinks (the kneepad: vodka + peach schnapps + cran + oj = a-maaa-zing) you get to take home your glass and no one yells at you for being a bar klepto!

if you are easily offended, stay home or wait for a comedian who is advertised as "family friendly", like bill cosby or something. most comedians do use off-color or sexually-related material, so be aware of that and know yourself. if you don't like sex talk or can't shake off a controversial joke, you'll be the one of the only people in the room not laughing, which will be uncomfortable for yourself and everyone else at your table...and especially for that unfortunate soul who gets seated next to you.

you will be escorted to a table when you arrive. people who sit in the front frequently get incorporated into the comedians' acts, especially if you are a participatory audience member and/or if your ensemble is just plain silly. i once saw a huge guy at the front-center table who cracked up from beginning to end of each comedian's routine, and man, they loved him and threw him into their jokes as much as possible. the last time i went, there was a man in a full business suit who did not crack a smile the whole time. you would've thought he was in the CIA or secret service or something, and who knows - maybe he was. but hi, it's saturday night at 11:30 at a comedy club - at least take off the jacket and tie, right? needless to say, both of the headlining comedians teased him relentlessly for being so douchey. moral of the story? be aware that if you sit in the front, you'll be a target. especially if you are channeling will smith in men in black. if you don't like this fact, request a table in the back of the room.

choose your seat at the table wisely. you'll be seated with the rest of your group, but you'll definitely want to sit next to people you know. your friends are already aware of your sense of humor, so they won't make you feel uncomfortable and will probably be laughing at the same jokes you do. if there's a random stranger or a casual acquaintence in the group (i don't care how hot he/she is), you don't want to sit by them at the funnybone. if your luck is anything like mine, he/she will end up being the awkward jerk who hates sex jokes, and what fun is that? oh, and by the way - telling them to leave because they make you uncomfortable or getting up to change seats in the middle of the show is probably kind of rude and should also be avoided. and yes, the thought has definitely crossed my mind more than once, so please, i beg you, be smart about seat selection. the exception to this rule: if everyone at your table is drunk, it doesn't matter who you sit by, you'll have a great time. also, the funnybone will call a cab for your group at the end of the night if needed.

understand that every comedy show is different. sometimes the opening acts are funnier than the headliners. sometimes the opening acts completely bomb. sometimes the comedian himself will be hammered, and you'll wonder if they're going to puke, fall off the edge of the stage, or maybe offend entire cities, as andy dick tends to do. be open to whatever the show holds, and if you have a bad experience, don't hold that against the funnybone. chances are, the next show you'll go to will be better and more enjoyable.

also, don't judge a book by its cover...or a comedian by his/her reputation. i've seen celebrity comedians or people from friday night stand-up (comedy central, you are a drug to me and i love you) who were absolutely terrible live. the best show i ever went to was with a headliner who was a hypnotist. i was reluctant to go (um, hi, the power of suggestion is strong and i don't want to bark like a dog today, kthanks), but his show was absolutely amazing. i'm not even joking, his name is j. medicine hat, and you should google/wiki/youtube him immediately.

above all else, have fun! don't be self-conscious about the jokes that make you giggle, and don't worry that you might look silly doubled over with laughter. at least you're not the one in the room with your eyes watering like a child with severe allergies - that will be me.