64 - poke this!

back in college, my lovely friend aj-dub once said something along the lines of, "does your school have facebook?" well, no, at that time, it did not...because facebook was something that only big college campuses had, and our little school with 3000 students was not on the list. the day we got facebook was one of the craziest days my e-mail inbox had ever seen. i was pounded with friend request after friend request and wall post after wall post. and this was obviously WAY before facebook opened itself to the public, after which things got even more ridiculous. now, i do love facebook, i promise. it has provided countless hours of entertainment for my friends and me over the years, and picture comments may be among my favorite things in the world.

however, you should all know by now that it takes a lot to make me mad...but i actually get annoyed fairly easily. thus...

want me to defriend you on facebook? do these things:

1. constantly update your facebook status with meaningless stuff. let me assure you that i do not care if you just watched the hills finale, the VMAs, or an ANTM marathon. nor do i care if you are SOOOOO mad that the united states soccer team/cleveland cavaliers/any other team just lost a game. get over it. you don't need to put that on facebook. now, if you are actually doing something fun or interesting, or if you can make your status amusing, please update away. but not every 2 minutes, because i will defriend you immediately.
2. take your profile picture in a mirror or with a webcam. you look creepy. who are you trying to impress with that picture? the 14 year olds you're hitting on in chatrooms? (do chatrooms even still exist? sidenote: anyone remember teenchat from back in the late 90s? good times, good times.) i am barely excusing people who take normal pictures of themselves by extending a camera in front of their faces, so prove that you have friends and have them take a picture of you. PLEASE.
3. download every possible application known to man. the worst day in the existence of facebook was when they started letting outside companies provide "applications" to users. if i go to your profile, i probably just want to read your info, check out your pictures, and probably leave you a cute/witty/thoughtful message on your wall. i really don't need to see that you petted your cyber-kitten, watered your cyber-plant, and took a test that says you are most like cinderella out of all the disney princesses. the only one i kind of like is the top friends application, but only if i'm on your top friends - otherwise, i don't like this one either. go out and buy a real kitten, a real plant, and meet a real prince if you want to be a princess so damn badly. also, meet me and add me to your top friends. i'm awesome - promise!
4. invite me to all kinds of stupid events. no, i don't want to go to bike night at quaker steak and lube. know your audience. also, if i haven't seen you in 4 years, i'm probably not going to come to your birthday party, a gig your band is playing, or a fundraiser your church is doing - just an fyi. and m-howie, if i've told you once, i've told you a hundred times (literally), no! i do not want to go watch you coach a soccer game for a group of random 10 year olds! one more invite, and consider yourself defriended.
5. poke me. i have had facebook for about 5 years now, and i still don't know what a poke means. if you want to say hi, then say hi. if you want to flirt, then flirt. if you poke me, i'm not quite sure what you want, and i'm not a fan of ambiguity in my life.
6. sync your facebook account with your twitter page. i am on facebook, not on twitter. if i wanted to visit your twitter page, i would. chances are, you're one of the people who constantly updates your status with dumb things i don't care about, so i don't want to read your twitter. enjoy facebook for what it is, and post a link to your twitter if you must...but please don't force me to read your twitter updates on my homepage. yes, i'm apathetic, but honestly i just don't care.

okay, this just got me all worked up. if i could access facebook at work, i would totally go through and defriend a bunch of people right now! and yes, i can sneak onto facebook via my blackberry, but for some reason, my blackberry is encouraging me to be nice and doesn't give me the "remove friend" option. gosh.

a quick hint regarding tomorrow's entry: yahoo! (inspired by my little fruititarian)

59 - you think you know...but you have no idea

inspired by HF, who was inspired by this blog, i thought monday would be a great day to share the randomly quirky things that make me the lovely person i am. you may think, "cal, aren't your weird qualities the things that you blog about regularly?" yes, dear readers, this is true...but here is some insight on things about which i will most likely never blog.

-i HATE snakes. i can handle spiders, bugs, mice and roaches, but just thinking about a snake makes me want to cry. i get goosebumps just walking by the reptile house at the zoo. one time, CB made me go through the reptile house, but i kept my eyes intently focused on the ground and made him tell me when it was safe to look inside a cage (i.e. lizards are cute, snakes of any shape or size are NOT).
-i love tomato sauce, but only if it doesn't have chunks of tomatoes in it. i hate tomatoes - whole slices or chunks of them, and honestly, i gag if i eat one. this is why i don't eat salsa and why i ask the waitresses at italian restaurants if their tomato sauce is smooth or chunky. i'm sure they love me...but trust me, my dinner partners would much rather me ask the question than gag every time i take a bite. it's really not attractive.
-words i strongly dislike: chunky, panties (especially when said by a male, thus i need RT to stop saying this immediately), nuke (as in "nuke it" in the microwave). other than that, i like most other words.
-i am constantly writing letters that i never send. sometimes if i have a lot on my mind, this is a great way to get things off my chest. sometimes i am tempted to send these letters, but if i did that, i may not have any friends.
-i make detailed lists every time i pack for vacation. whether it's a week-long trip or just a long weekend somewhere, i make lists of every outfit i need to pack, along with matching accessories, shoes, and purses. toiletries and random items are also on the list. my lists may look funny/OCD to outsiders, but hey, i never forget anything on vacation, so it's worth it!
-i think i have an extremely small stomach. if i've eaten lunch at noon at work, then i go home and eat a few ritz crackers with colby cheese (okay, and wine...mmm!), i am not hungry enough to eat dinner. i rarely actually feel hungry, so i have to force myself to eat. this may sound like a great quality to have, but it's not very healthy and actually gets pretty annoying sometimes.
-i have the opposite of poker face. you can tell exactly how i'm feeling just by looking at me. if i'm mad or upset, i won't say anything but you'll know it. i wish i could hide things better, but sadly, that's not how i was made.
-i love all things related to weddings. if you ever need a date for a wedding, i'm your girl. i also think i'd be a pretty kick-ass wedding planner, given my extreme type-a personality.
-i don't think i've ever won a game of putt-putt. and i know for sure i've never beaten a guy on a date...however, i'd much rather have that be the case than have them let me win. that's just about the most annoying thing EVER!
-i have no tolerance for liars, cheaters, or people who walk around with their bluetooth headsets on constantly. i understand if you're driving, but if you are just walking, then i promise, you can hold your freaking phone!!
-there are certain things i absolutely refuse to learn how to do. examples: ironing, sewing, and using a hammer and nails. trust this - me using sharp, hot, or destructive objects is probably not a good idea. maybe i sound bratty by saying that, but hey, it's true. i also know nothing about cars, which is why i have a mechanic and AAA.
-i always have my toenails painted, even in the winter. feet are ugly and toenails are super-ugly, but they can be cute when they're polished. mine are bright red 99.9% of the time. (however, some people just have ugly feet and there's no polish that can cure them.)
-i have received 3 marriage proposals at sports bars. unfortunately (or maybe fortunately in some cases), none of them were for real.
-i try my best to be a very thoughtful person and a good friend. i buy cards for everyone's birthdays and engagements, and i have a tendency to get wedding cards for my friends even if i'm not invited to their wedding - hey, i understand weddings are expensive, and you can't always invite everyone! it takes five minutes to let someone know you're thinking of or happy for them, and if it makes them smile, it's worth it. it's cheesy, but it's true.
-i love to bake cookies, brownies, and cakes, but i hate having them sit around my apartment. therefore i bring them into work, and this is why i have friends here.
-and finally, i would kill to live by a beach. i can't imagine anything that would make me happier than knowing i could spend every weekend laying out and listening to the ocean, and that i wouldn't have to travel, like, 10 hours to do so. and no, lake erie absolutely does not count.