64 - poke this!

back in college, my lovely friend aj-dub once said something along the lines of, "does your school have facebook?" well, no, at that time, it did not...because facebook was something that only big college campuses had, and our little school with 3000 students was not on the list. the day we got facebook was one of the craziest days my e-mail inbox had ever seen. i was pounded with friend request after friend request and wall post after wall post. and this was obviously WAY before facebook opened itself to the public, after which things got even more ridiculous. now, i do love facebook, i promise. it has provided countless hours of entertainment for my friends and me over the years, and picture comments may be among my favorite things in the world.

however, you should all know by now that it takes a lot to make me mad...but i actually get annoyed fairly easily. thus...

want me to defriend you on facebook? do these things:

1. constantly update your facebook status with meaningless stuff. let me assure you that i do not care if you just watched the hills finale, the VMAs, or an ANTM marathon. nor do i care if you are SOOOOO mad that the united states soccer team/cleveland cavaliers/any other team just lost a game. get over it. you don't need to put that on facebook. now, if you are actually doing something fun or interesting, or if you can make your status amusing, please update away. but not every 2 minutes, because i will defriend you immediately.
2. take your profile picture in a mirror or with a webcam. you look creepy. who are you trying to impress with that picture? the 14 year olds you're hitting on in chatrooms? (do chatrooms even still exist? sidenote: anyone remember teenchat from back in the late 90s? good times, good times.) i am barely excusing people who take normal pictures of themselves by extending a camera in front of their faces, so prove that you have friends and have them take a picture of you. PLEASE.
3. download every possible application known to man. the worst day in the existence of facebook was when they started letting outside companies provide "applications" to users. if i go to your profile, i probably just want to read your info, check out your pictures, and probably leave you a cute/witty/thoughtful message on your wall. i really don't need to see that you petted your cyber-kitten, watered your cyber-plant, and took a test that says you are most like cinderella out of all the disney princesses. the only one i kind of like is the top friends application, but only if i'm on your top friends - otherwise, i don't like this one either. go out and buy a real kitten, a real plant, and meet a real prince if you want to be a princess so damn badly. also, meet me and add me to your top friends. i'm awesome - promise!
4. invite me to all kinds of stupid events. no, i don't want to go to bike night at quaker steak and lube. know your audience. also, if i haven't seen you in 4 years, i'm probably not going to come to your birthday party, a gig your band is playing, or a fundraiser your church is doing - just an fyi. and m-howie, if i've told you once, i've told you a hundred times (literally), no! i do not want to go watch you coach a soccer game for a group of random 10 year olds! one more invite, and consider yourself defriended.
5. poke me. i have had facebook for about 5 years now, and i still don't know what a poke means. if you want to say hi, then say hi. if you want to flirt, then flirt. if you poke me, i'm not quite sure what you want, and i'm not a fan of ambiguity in my life.
6. sync your facebook account with your twitter page. i am on facebook, not on twitter. if i wanted to visit your twitter page, i would. chances are, you're one of the people who constantly updates your status with dumb things i don't care about, so i don't want to read your twitter. enjoy facebook for what it is, and post a link to your twitter if you must...but please don't force me to read your twitter updates on my homepage. yes, i'm apathetic, but honestly i just don't care.

okay, this just got me all worked up. if i could access facebook at work, i would totally go through and defriend a bunch of people right now! and yes, i can sneak onto facebook via my blackberry, but for some reason, my blackberry is encouraging me to be nice and doesn't give me the "remove friend" option. gosh.

a quick hint regarding tomorrow's entry: yahoo! (inspired by my little fruititarian)

50 - a brief note to creepy small-town boys everywhere

if you are a lonely 19-year-old boy who lives in the country, here is a brief overview of how not to be creepy:

1. do not hang out in gas stations.
2. if three pretty girls happen to come up to you at a gas station and ask you where there is a place to buy firewood in your small town, it is okay to offer them firewood from your own backyard. in fact, this is a random act of kindess and there are not enough of these in the world.
3. when these girls follow you and your silent friend (who is driving a teal escort, circa 1988) back to your house, pull in your driveway and pop the trunk of their cute mazda6, it is really NOT OKAY to say this: "oh, well, you don't have to put it in your trunk. i thought i'd just throw it in my truck and bring it on by your campsite. i thought maybe i could hang out with you guys for a while."

so, listen, creepy tyler (if that is your real name). dr. murph, phoof, and i appreciated your effort and your offer at the gas station. we were prepared to hand you five bucks for your trouble, and if you'd just let us take the firewood, we would have gone back to the campsite talking about how nice you were. instead, we floored it back to our friends (to make sure we beat you there) and proceeded to apologize profusely and promise to tell their families if anyone got murdered in their sleep. we didn't even have time to think of a polite way to say no to your really creepy/strange request - i mean, who wants to hang out with a bunch of strangers on a saturday night? WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?! okay, now back to the list.

4. when you arrive at the campsite, you should introduce yourself to the rest of the group - not just lay some firewood down and sit on a log where you can size everyone up.
5. if you are going to be a party crasher, you should at least take part in the games that are being played - namely "never have i ever" and shoulders (which is the most fun drinking game EVER). no one cares that you're a virgin and can't relate to most of our "never have i ever" moments. you can still participate and be fun, instead of sitting on your log silently.
6. do not ever say things like, "i've gotta go get something from the truck" - because we were pretty sure you were referring to the chainsaw you were planning to use to dismember us one by one. please be more specific.
7. bragging about all of your guns and making blatant racist remarks is not a good way to endear yourself to a new group of people. if you're a republican/conservative, that's just fine - but realize that sometimes it's smart to keep your opinions to yourself. especially if they involve weapons and the strangers whose party you crashed already think you're going to kill them.
8. do not mooch beer off the already-drunk boys. they may not realize how much you drank, but trust this...in the morning, they will be angry. plus, we had no need to contribute to alcohol consumption by a minor - you brought this on yourself. the least you can do is attempt to buy your own beer before arriving.
9. do not make friends with the random drunk stranger from the next campsite. he is not welcome any more than you are.
10. when everyone at the campsite goes to sleep, YOU GO HOME. you do not sit there around our campfire with the other random stranger.
11. finally, if you are going to sit there quietly on a log, stare us down, not play our games, and drink all our beer...at least have the decency not to whine about us all after we go to bed in our tents and ask you to leave. it is not okay for you to call us mother-f'ers and complain about how you had to sit there and listen to all of our secrets during never have i ever. excuse me? you didn't HAVE to do anything. we didn't want you there in the first place! you could have left at any time and we would have been happy. and honestly? we definitely intentionally over-shared to try to make you uncomfortable so you would leave. maybe that sounds mean, but um...here's what we were working with. (sorry for the poor quality of pictures, but tc was a little intoxicated when she attempted to document the evening's events.)

totally sketchy, right?

okay, now i'm pretty sure he was going for the chainsaw.

moral of the story for city girls looking for firewood: always attempt to think of a way to get your firewood without having a creepy mccreeperson hillbilly follow you to your campsite.
moral of the story for lonely small-town boys: make some friends and get your own campsite.

46 - cravings

things i want/need asap - any combination of the below items will suffice:

okay, not all of these. i'm sure one scoop will do the trick. but omg, eating ice cream (or raspberry sorbet, mmm) on a shaded park bench is the best thing ever on a hot, summery day. if anyone wants to go with me, i'm taking volunteers. please note that i said "shaded bench", instead of "shady bench" - i would prefer not to have creepers stalking me while i eat my ice cream, tyvm.

considering i've gotten about 6 hours of sleep per night this week, a nap sounds absolutely fantastic right now. and this picture is the perfect example of my ideal nap space - on a big, comfy bed in a room that lets a little bit of late-afternoon sunshine peek in. i mean, you can't tell me that doesn't make you relax a little bit just by looking at the picture.

and if i can't happen to find a room that meets those criterion, i guess i could settle for reading and napping in a hammock, which i actually do have readily available.

let's be honest for a minute. i think saying that i want/need a glass of wine makes me sound a little bit cultured and classy (and not at all like an alcoholic, right?). although i am occasionally cultured and classy, i actually used to hate wine until about two years ago, when tc introduced me to this wonderful wine at the olive garden (principato rosato = a little taste of heaven, literally i hope). then i went to a winery last fall and bought SEVEN BOTTLES of white and rose wines. a new love affair was born, my friends. also, i can usually only drink about two glasses of wine before i want to fall asleep (as opposed to vodka, of which i can consume as much as i want and not get tired until i see my bed), so combined with my desire for a nap, one glass should probably be okay for tonight.

these would combine to make the perfect summer weeknight, correct?

42 - jukebox!

on very rare occasions, i find myself upset, angry, or in a bad mood. ask my friends, this really doesn't happen too terribly often. today happens to be one of those days, so rather than continue to dwell on the little crappy things that have happened in the past 24 hours, i'm starting a new segment on my blog to cheer me up. and no, i refuse to say this will happen every week, because let's face it - i'm a very temperamental blogger. sometimes i want to write all the time, and sometimes i won't write anything for months. therefore, i don't want to make you any promises i can't keep. i'm sorry, these daily updates may not last forever. don't blame yourselves. it's not you, it's me.

new segment - jukebox!

i have a very eclectic taste in music, so i've decided to occasionally share the music from one of my favorite artists/bands with my vast readership (of three people - welcome to my little fruititarian, i see you over there reading my blog during work!). enjoy.

today's featured band: aerosmith!

now, i get made fun of sometimes for the randomness in my musical preferences, but no one in my life has ever teased me about my sincere adoration for aerosmith. i don't find steven tyler attractive, but you've got to love a 125 year old man who dresses like this and has scarves hanging from his microphone:

also, their music is basically genius, as evidenced by this collection of my favorite aerosmith songs:

"angel", circa 1987's permanent vacation album

reason: back when i was about 16, some dude told me this song reminded him of me. i had never heard it, so i had a friend download it from napster and burn it to a CD for me (ah, musical piracy - RIP). i was kind of freaked out by the guy after listening to the song, but i realized it's not the song's fault that the guy is creepy. it's still my second favorite song of all time (bonus points to the reader who knows the song that beats this on my list!)

you're the reason i live, you're the reason i die

you're the reason i give when i break down and cry

you're the one reason why

baby, baby, ba-a-a-by

you're my angel, come and save me tonight

you're my a-a-angel, come and make it all right

"fly away", circa 2001's just push play album

reason: i debate leaving my little suburb all the time. like, on a daily basis. this song is always the one i listen to when i'm in one of my "get me out of here" moods, and it makes me so happy. i recommend it for singing-along-in-the-car-with-the-windows-down (SAITCWTWD, if you will) purposes. it's also the only song from that album that was worth mentioning.

gotta find a way, yeah, i can't wait another day
ain't nothin' gonna change if we stay 'round here
gotta do what it takes, 'cause it's all in our hands
we all make mistakes, but it's never too late to start again
take another breath and say another prayer
and fly away from here, anywhere, yeah, i don't care
we just fly away from here
my hopes and dreams are out there somewhere

"walk this way", circa 1975's toys in the attic album

reason: not only does it remind me of greek week lip-sync 2006 (i still maintain we were robbed - i mean, we opened with a rockin' dance to this song and ended with an even better dance to AC/DC's back in black and didn't even PLACE. are you kidding me, otterbein?!), but it is easily one of the most mainstreamed songs about being a girl who is a giant hobag. plus, i'm almost convinced you can't find a better music video than when run-dmc covered this song and steven tyler came bursting through a wall.

see-saw swingin' with the boys in the school
and your feet flyin' up in the air
singin, "hey diddle diddle" with your kitty in the middle
and you swing like you just don't care
so i took a big chance at the high school dance
with a missy who was ready to play
wasn't me she was foolin' 'cause she knew what she was doin'
when she told me how to walk this way

"what it takes", circa 1989's pump album

reason: okay, i'll admit it. i'm totally a sucker for power ballads/break-up songs, and this is one of the greatest of all-time, in my (totally un-biased) opinion. the lyrics are heartfelt and also heartbreaking and so relatable. ugh, who hasn't felt like this?!

tell me that you're happy that you're on your own (yeah yeah yeah yeaaah)
tell me that it's better when you're all alone
tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
tell me that my lovin' didn't mean that much
tell me you ain't dyin' when you're cryin' for me
tell me what it takes to let you go (oooh)
tell me how the pain's supposed to go
tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night

without thinkin' you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice

tell me what it takes to let you go

oh aerosmith, i love you more than puppies and rainbows and glitter combined. (truthfully, i prefer kittens and sunshine and shimmery lip gloss - but you get the point.)